my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
