HIV tests are more positive than that guy
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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