I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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