my mouth tastes like poor choices
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
