You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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