ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
