i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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