I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
