I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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