Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize