I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Non-Jews are for practice
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
