I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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