a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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