How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
