If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
