Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Randomize
