Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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