I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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