my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
