Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize