This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize