She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
