I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
