Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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