Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
