I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
