I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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