I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
