He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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