Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
