It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
