i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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