The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Its about making memories worth repressing
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
