Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
