mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
