apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
