put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize