So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
