I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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