all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
