yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
