my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Buhtt sex?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
