My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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