I'm lost and stupid without you.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
