the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
