My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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