every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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