we have pet lesbian snakes
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
