I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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