I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
