He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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