You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
