I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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