bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
