i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
