there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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