i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
babies were throwing up all over the place
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
