I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
