I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
