I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
foreskin is a definite game changer
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
