I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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