maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
