it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
