We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
