i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
