Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
