maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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