Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
