Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
