He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
areolas are like halos for boobs.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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