Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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