put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
