Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
